INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN-DAY GRETTA, (37), tall, willowy, sharply pointed chin, is cooking on the grill. She picks up a wooden spoon and holds the spoon like a microphone to her mouth.

GRETTA    Folks, here we are, another evenin’ at the Sweat‘n Suffer grill! The steaks are hot, and the help is hotter! No sense dyin’ and going to hell, cause you already is workin’there!!!

HANNAH    (35) tall, voluptuous, dark-skinned waitress hurries into the kitchen, tight black uniform is tuxedo-like.

GRETTA    (CONT'D) Late again, pokey-weed! Gus‘n Billy gonna be all over your ass and mine too! You runnin’ in late is gratin’ on my last nerve!

HANNAH     Yeah, Gretta, I know’d that, sorry. I passed my ‘natomy class! You know I got in that nursing program. You thought anymore about doin it with me?

GRETTA    No. I’d rather sweat and suffer here another fifteen years. Right.

HANNAH    Well, what’s stoppin’ ya?

GRETTA    Two hundred pounds of beef-eating Carl, that’s what!

HANNAH    You’re ol’ man? You’d let that stop you?

GRETTA    Last time I moved back to my Momma’s he had his face pressed to ‘er front window crying like a baby.

HANNAH   No!

GRETTA   She got tired o’ him pissin’ in her flowers, and she kicked me out. Time before that, he laid down in the middle of Main and tol’ the police he wouldn’ move ‘til they got me to come back home.

HANNAH    What’d they do?

GRETTA    They toted him kicking and screaming “Babe, NO! Babe! NO!” all the way home and laid him in his recliner.

HANNAH   And?

GRETTA    They called me up and said they’s gonna arrest me for unlawful abandonment and I’d do time.

HANNAH    What’d you do?

GRETTA    I went home and fixed his supper, whadda ya’ think?

HANNAH    There’s gotta be a way to get rid of Carl.

GRETTA    He’s saying only way he will let me go is when he is dead and cold in the ground. Otherwise, no dices.

HANNAH    I gotta come over and see this guy for myself. There’s gotta be a way to get rid of him, no?

GRETTA    OK. Sunday supper. Deal?

HANNAH    Deal!!!

ACT II INT. HOUSE-NIGHT
Furnishings are worn and sparse. One large room with small dining table, four chairs, living room couch, adjoining small kitchen where Gretta is cooking. Carl (45) white male, near-bald, coarse-looking, trudges out from the bedroom holds his arm up, and points to his watch.

CARL    Babe! Does anybody here know what time it is?

GRETTA    Must be one minute past five, Carl. Sit yourself down before you git an anxiety attack over your five’o’clock feeding. He heads to the table and plops down despondently.

GRETTA    (CONT'D) Carl, I’ve invited my friend Hannah to stop by and meet you.

CARL    Babe, company? And when we just eating? Whoa! I better get started! Shovels food in mouth.

Doorbell RINGS. Chewing food, Carl goes to the door. Hannah is there in her waitress uniform.

CARL    (CONT'D) Babe, some maid is here... wait a minute. You hired a maid to clean before your friend comes? We rollin’ in dough now, Babe?

GRETTA   Carl, that is my friend, Hannah. Hannah, meet Carl. Come on in!

HANNAH    Hello, Carl. Pleased to meetcha! Holds out a hand for him to shake.

CARL    Whooaaaaa. Not there yet!! NOT THERE YET!!!

Whispers in Gretta’s ear.

CARL    (CONT'D) Babe, I been in this house nearly fifty years, ain’t never had...

GRETTA    Shut it Carl. Hannah, come join us!

HANNAH    Thanks Gretta! Great to finally meet you, Carl.

GRETTA    Carl, Hannah is studying to be a nurse.

CARL    You can? I mean... well...

HANNAH    It’s OK Carl, we’re all the same color on the inside.

Carl watches them in wide-eyed bewilderment. All sit at the table to eat. Carl looks from one woman to the other as they chatter amicably. He says nothing but eats furiously.

ACT III INT. HOUSE-NIGHT

After dinner, BARKING and GROWLING O.C.

CARL    Com’on little lady, I got somethin’ to show ya.

Hannah gets up slowly and follows Carl to the bedroom door.

HANNAH    Oh my, oh my, that’s the biggest dog I ever saw! Actually, he looks more like a wolf! What’s his name?

CARL    Fema. I callin’ him Fema.

HANNAH    Where’d ya get that name? 

CARL    Well, when we had tornados the rescue folks went up and down the streets yellin’
FEMA, and he answered to it! Keeps the neighborhood free o’ cats too!

Hannah is shaking her head.

CARL    (CONT'D) Hey Hannika, since you dressed up like a maid, kin you serve my desert like I’s in a classy joint?

Hannah gives Gretta a thumbs-down signal behind Carl’s back.

HANNAH      Sure Carl, any other last requests? I mean, anything else?

CARL     Well, Hanniqwa, would you be against rubbing my feet? And if you can, find me the channel changer...

Carl GULPS the tea Gretta has laced with plant extracts.

HANNAH    It’s right on that table.

CARL      I know, I don’ wanna have to reach.

HANNAH    Oh for heaven's sake!

CARL    Oh boy, nature’s calling, and bad! Everyone outta' the way!

Carl jumps up. Big dog trudges out, spills the ice teacup, and laps up the tea before they can stop him.

HANNAH    Get outta there, you stupid mutt! Uh oh, he’s gonna barf!

CARL    O.C.    Babe, it’s comin' out both ends! I got a mess here on the floor too!

Dog runs off, SQUIRT sounds coming from bedroom and bathroom.

GRETTA    Oh my God, he’s pooped in the bedroom.

HANNAH    Who? Carl or Fema?

CARL.   Babe, I’m sick!! Babe, Help!! Bring the nurse in, quick, I need someone to hold my hand!

HANNAH    Oh my God. I wanna die.

GRETTA    I’m gonna cry.

Women hug, Hannah trudges off to the bathroom and Gretta fills the mop bucket.

Teaser...Next week, Hannah and Gretta devise a cleaner way to get rid of Carl.

TO BE CONTINUED